i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
