Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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