I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
