How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
