Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
