I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
