I didn't shave. On purpose
okay pat passed out under dana's car
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
