I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
