Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
well you can't waste a boner
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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