someone owes me an orgasm
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
pray to the hookup gods
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
