Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
