My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
