I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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