Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
