you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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