I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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