my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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