remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
