Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
