ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i think i just lost a toe
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
