why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
