I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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