Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
