I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Randomize
