And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
