i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
whose parrot is this?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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