Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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