that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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