The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
