Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
