I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I need help removing her.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
