never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
