Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish you could order shots online.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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