My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
