Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
