I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
