Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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