i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
