fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
