My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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