it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
