dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
