I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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