Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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