It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
