so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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