does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
