okay pat passed out under dana's car
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
