My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
