I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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