she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Alive.
So much puke
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
