i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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