D3 body, D1 cock
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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